Sublime

“How are you two getting along?” Mr Awesome will ask of a new partner.

Usually, I will grin.

“We can laugh together… In bed.”

I did the math today, after a conversation about first experiences. I’ve been sexually active since I was 14. That was in 1994, 22 years ago. That was my first time with a man; my first time with a woman was a few years later. I met the man I would marry when I was 17, and so there you go.

And in 22 years of continued experiences, an even split of male and female partners, sex in private rooms, parents’ attics, hot tubs, pools, beds, cars, couches, floors, and once on a public walking trail, the lesson I’ve truly taken to heart is this: find someone with whom you can laugh in bed. Sex can go from the sublime to the ridiculous with one well-timed fart or badly placed elbow. You need someone to laugh it off with. The myriad of emotions that sex brings to the table (bed?) is amazing and leaves a person very vulnerable. Sometimes, it needs to be tender, loving and gentle. Sometimes, it needs to be rough, quick, and bruising. Sometimes it needs to be a bit of Colum A and a little of Colum B. But it always needs to be approached with humor.

Sometimes, the best foreplay is opening up, sharing vulnerabilities and fantasies. Sometimes, it’s teasing and touching and kissing until your body cries out to be fucked.

And sometimes, the best foreplay is a morning spent in bed, making vagina jokes with your lover and laughing until your face and sides hurt. 

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