Long Distance

So, it seems I am in a  relationship again.

It’s been a different experience this time. We met online, in the fallout from my breakup with Wash. He had some questions about the poly lifestyle; I had answers, and a great big hole in my life. We started chatting through Direct Messages, sending sometimes hundreds of messages a day. He lived several states away, in the southwest. We started chatting by phone, and eventually through Skype. And always through Direct Message, until my day didn’t feel right unless I had heard from him.

I wanted to fly out and meet him, but was unable to do so.  The messages flew back and forth, most sexy and playful, but more and more often they were serious. We talked about everything and nothing,  often for hours. I opened up to him about my depression and anxiety, and when I was having a bad day, his first response was always to ask if I needed him to call. My girls at work would tease me about my younger man… he’s 11 years younger than I. I realized that I got my first job when he was in preschool.

We finally met in person in July. I was horribly nervous; clinging to my phone and obsessively reading facebook to keep a hold on the panic in my body. This was someone who’d never touched me but had seen me naked; who’d whispered in my ear dozens of times but had never held me close. 

I was scared. What if the spark we had online wasn’t there in person?

Even scarier; what if it was?

An online relationship is almost easy. There is a barrier in between you and that other person, a safety net made of the screen and the keyboard. It’s easy to whisper about your terrors and demons to someone who lives a few thousand miles away. You don’t feel as accountable, almost, because that person is so far away they almost don’t seem real. 

And suddenly he was real. He was walking past security at PDX and we were getting dinner at New Seasons and we were holding hands and laughing together. He was in my home for a magical week, and then gone again. He held me when we said goodbye at the starbucks near my work, and promised he’d come back. And at the end of August, he did. He found a job and moved up here, to a town 2 hours from Portland.

And I’m learning a few things… long distance relationships are hard but they are worth it. Two hours by car is far better than two hours by plane, and if your lover lives at the other end of a national scenic byway, the drive is quite pleasant. Stocking up kisses to hold you over til the next visit almost works. Snuggling up with your iPad after online sexy times is not nearly as satisfying as snuggling up with your lover after real-life ones. Teaching crochet via Skype is challenging but can be done.  Having the house to yourselves because the roommate is gone is pure bliss. And always charge your phone before a phone date, or it may crap out during something important. 

Advertisements

One response to “Long Distance

  • dave94015

    Reblogged this on dave94015 and commented:
    some thoughts on #onlineRelationship & #LDR…they are tricky, but sometimes it’s as good as it can get if your interests are so unique. Besides, it may lead to a more permanent & intimate one, too

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf

Polyamory from the Inside Out

Sharing my hard earned Poly wisdom one blog at a time.

Candice Czubernat

A leading voice in the LGBTQ and Christian dialogue

Amanda A. Allen

Writer, Reader, Parent, Crazy Person

More Than Salt

The little things in life that matter.

crackingthecookingcode

A fine WordPress.com site

Poly in Columbus

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this WordPress.com site

Outside the Lines

Stories from a life spent coloring outside the lines.

phoenixtatgirl

Life, adventures, and daily grind of a girl enjoying figuring the world out

Fortunately Loving Life

A great WordPress.com site

Velah

A topnotch WordPress.com site

Polysingleish

adventures in honest non-monogamy

Love Times Infinity

Polyamory, Nonmonogamy, Ethical Sluttery, and Novel-Writing

Sex Geek

thoughts on sex and life

Nine Tasty Hazelnuts

History, Food and Fantasy from the Celtic World

Sacred Whore Diaries

Exploring sexuality and subcultures

Jack of All Triads

Polyamory, polyfidelity, and processing out loud

JumperCablesKnitting

Knitting Designs by Annie Baker

bluestockings magazine

bluestockings is an intersectional, anti-oppressive publication that commits to centering voices of people from marginalized and historically resilient communities, across multiple axes of oppressed identity.

%d bloggers like this: