I had a date with the New Boy last night. It was lovely and fun. We snuggled for a while in my car, then we went in search of food. He bought me a pretzel, and we wandered around the mall and window shopped. It was sweet. He’s sweet. When the date was over, I didn’t want to go home quite yet, so I went to the bookstore and wandered for an hour. Then I went home, where Husband was spending time with The Other Woman.
New Boy wanted to talk about something. He wasn’t sure about the rules or boundaries surrounding the whole “love” word. He seemed anxious to reassure me that he could, indeed, love more than one person at a time, which I found terribly sweet and touching. I let him know that the “love” word was not out-of-bounds, that I totally understood what he was saying. Then he decided he was starving, and we got food. And it hasn’t been mentioned again. But I am sure it will. He’s testing his wings. For his entire life he’s been poly-in-theory, and this is the first time he’s gotten to put it into practice. I’m a a little daunted by this. I really don’t want to screw it up for him.
I have spent so much of my life loving people that I forget, sometimes, that this is a new thing for some. That they are learning how the heady rush of a new love can walk hand-in-hand with the steady calm of a lifetime love. My heart, instead of running out of room for those special to me, grows in its capacity for loving.
I met my Boyfriend two years ago, today. Before I ever spoke to him in person, when we were still exchanging emails, I knew he was someone who would be in my life for a long time. Somewhere between the coffee and the long walk in the icy rain, I fell in love with him. I came home from that five-hour coffee date soaked to the bone, frozen solid, and walking on air. And I, the person who didn’t think she’d ever find forever, have gotten lucky enough to find it twice. I can’t imagine my life without the love of both of my men. My Husband is my best friend, my partner, my lover. He truly is the other half of my entire being. He is my protector, my champion, my safety net. Boyfriend is almost the exact opposite, personality-wise. He is my rock, my quiet spot, my refuge, my teddy bear. And in loving both of them, I become the entire person I am meant to be. They have both taught me so much about love and life and living and loving.
And a special note to my Boyfriend, “Thank you. Thank you for loving me and for an amazing two years. Thank you for being my friend and lover. Thank you for being my safe space. I love you, my Squishy. For always.”